Untitled

by Jessica Brewer

NOTE : Though some parts may be based on my own experience, all people (with exeption of Mr.Havok I so slyly put in, who isn't mine anyway)are fictional, if not based on people I know.

I lay there as I slipped into a golden haze once more. My muscles had tensed and jolted before letting go into the deepest relaxed state they could achieve, the kind of calm one feels only after long periods of heavy crying. My eyes shut and the feeling slowly went until all I could feel was the carpet underneath me. My breathing became heavy and short sighs escaped from my lips as I gripped the red carpet on the floor of my room, digging my nail deep.

Without warning my stomach twisted into a spasm, and I vomited violently. Stupid, why did you have so much? Said the voice. I dint know where it was coming from, but it sounded like they were almost behind me.

DINNER! called my mom from downstairs. Shit, Id better clean myself up, I thought glancing down at my black shirt.

I...Ill be right down mom ! I shouted back.

I reached out to my closet for a clean shirt, I didnt think I could do much about the state of the rug now, so I just rolled it up and shoved it behind the linen basket in the bathroom. My little sister had already laid the table, and as usual mom gave me a sly look for not helping. Sitting down at my place I felt my stomach clench and writhe and I struggled to keep my vision straight. I was going to vomit again.

Can..can I be excused please? I yawned, trying to conceal my ill state with one of tiredness. She looked at me in her criticising way, finally to crack a smile in sympathy. She just nodded and went about filling everyones plates.

I just ran straight to the bathroom, and I was ill again. I slumped my way back into my room and collapsed on my bed, curling my knees up to my chin. Do it again. The voice said again. It's in the draw, you left it in the draw. What was it, what did it mean? Open the draw, Jesse, it's in there. I was compelled to get up, and sure enough I opened that draw. Inside was a green glass wine bottle, with half of its contents remaining. I suddenly remembered now, Id been drinking. Every time I did that I couldnt remember what had happened, so each time the existence of the bottle was unknown to me. I grasped the bottle by the neck and squinted at it. I notice at the bottom was a layer of white chalky silt, ah, I thought, so thats what Ive done. Since Id lost the most important person in my life I felt no reason to remain here, I would join them, I would be set free. Being left alone was the final blow for me. I couldnt be left alone. They left me alone.

By now Id become accustom to my self-induced amnesia, so when I found something like this, as I did often, I knew to expect that Id drugged myself. Finish it off then, I want you back with me it said. So without hesitation, thats what I did. I was slipping in and out of consciousness as I lay back on my floor. I could hear someone singing in my ear now-

I dont know, what shall I say?
The wind has a way, it talks to me.
Roses weep, its a silent lullaby
I prayed for this time
Im ready

It was the voice, it turned from soundless words into the voice of a girl. Now I could hear the pumping of my own heart, and I heard it slow and pale. I would die now, this was my time, I thought. No its not your time yet .I felt the presence of two others in the room, it wasnt until I opened my eyes did I know who they were.

Sitting next to may was a blonde girl with sapphire eyes dressed in white. She was pale and young and smiled over me, the other stood by the window, a man dressed in black.

Hello, Jesse, she said Im sorry I left you alone sweetheart

That was them, God how Id missed hearing that voice. She leaned over and pulled me to my feet, then the dark figure by the window stepped forward. He did nothing for a few moments, he just smiled and brushed his long black hair from his eyes.

Have you come for me then? I sniffed, letting my tears flow down my cheeks.

No. As shes said, your not ready to come with us yet he smiled innocently, glancing at her But she needed to see you

She put her arms around my waist and sighed deeply, I knew she was crying even though there was no sound as my shoulders became cold with her tears. There were no words. I love you Jesse. The voice, soft.

I knew it was guilt, but I would have taken my life even if she hadnt called me.

We must leave you now Jesse, said the black haired figure Come, love he put his hand out to her.

Before she broke away she planted a delicate kiss on my neck, I felt it burn sweetly. She said nothing.

I was taken by surprise when he leaned over to whisper in my ear-

Dont worry, he cooed Ill take care of her til you can come get here

She must have heard him, and she spoke for the very first time.

Ill wait for you, promise you wont forget me? She smiled weakly keeping the tears back.

I woke up, the room was empty and nothing but the sweet tender burning remained on my neck. I still wait until the day I'll join her. But my actions that night proved yet further to me, do not be selfish, though I may long to join her again I am bound by these things; family and the love of the people who have helped through everything.

xXThis is for my loves in life and the fall child I love the mostXx