Narrative Of A Soul

Flames around. So many faces. All of them surrounding me. Some of them completely familiar. Others not recognizable. One face that seemed so known but yet I did not know it. Was it my own? It seemed to be swaying. In the distance I see one face that shines above them all. An enigmatic glow surrounds it. The figure steps forward. Black wings spread behind them. An angel? Yet this angel like none Ive ever pictured. I could not tell if it was a male or female. Such beauty Ive never seen. Then darkness shrouds everything. Im left alone. I long for a companion. All by myself. The darkness parts as a light shines through.

My eyes open. It was a dream. How strange it was. What did it mean? That face seemed so much like my own. Yet it was so different. That angel too. Black wings? What angel has black wings? I dont even believe in angels. Ive searched for them. Ive just never found one. The angels face was so beautiful. I must know who or what that angel is.

I feel the sweat that has accumulated on my body during my sleep. I wipe it away from my forehead. Traces of red on my hand. Blood? Thats odd. I get up out of my bed. The window's drapes blocking out any light, I go to them. I pull them open and see outside. The snow covering the ground. Yet the snow seemed dimmer than usual. It was grey looking, like ash really. What is with the world this morning? Even the sun seems pale.

I go to take a shower. My house seems different. It looks the same for the most part but theres just something wrong. The walls they seemed almost charred, as if they had been burned. This all feels like its still a dream. Even the water in the shower seems different. It feels more like rain than shower water. It was unlike rain Ive ever felt though.

Why does everything feel so different? What is going on? I see an insect crawl across the floor. Another following it. I hope I dont have an infestation. I go to the kitchen for some food. I see more insects. How could that be? I keep this house clean. What is wrong with all of this? Can I still be dreaming? Everything seems so clear though.

I walk throughout the house. Nothing feels right. Everything seems so different. What is with all the insects? Why does everything seem burned? What is going on? This must be a dream. I must have dreamt I was dreaming and woke up to this dream. It all seems so real though. Why then? Why is it all so different?

There is movement at the window. Was that a feather I saw? A black one! The angel must be outside my house. How can that be real though? There are no angels in this world. I must follow them. Find out who they are. Maybe theyll know whats going on. Maybe they can give me the answers. An angel with black wings. no. it isnt.

As I walk towards the front door I see a swarm of insects. How the hell did they get here and what are the doing. Oh my god they are feeding on something. Its a body. That face its, its the face that was swaying. So familiar yet I can not tell. The skin is singed from flames. A rope around his neck? He must have hung himself. Oh my god please let this be a dream. Could that angel be? No. It cant.

I go out the front door. Its different out here too. This is not snow. It is ash. What is going on why is there ash everywhere. Where am I? It looks like home but not. The angel, I must find them. They cant be what I think. I see their footsteps. They unfold before me like a path leading me on.

The angel walks in a peculiar way. I can see a pattern forming. Almost as if trying to throw me off. They dont want to be found. The footsteps are leading toward the coast. Why would they be going there? Everything around me still seems so different. Why is there ash everywhere? I must get to this angel. What? The sun is setting? I thought it was morning.

A feather dropped. I pick it up. Unlike any feather Ive ever seen. It is so dark yet beautiful in a way that no poetic words could explain. Its burning! It crumbled into ashes in my hand. I let the ashes fall to the ground. Maybe the feathers dont last long once off the angel. I must be close to them.

I arrive at the coast. The angel is there in the distance once again, their back towards me. A boat is at the docks. Ive never seen that boat before. It has black sails. The angel moves to get on the boat. I realize that hell be gone soon. I begin to run. Running is difficult though. This is odd. I never had trouble running. I was so vibrant. Now I feel old. I must hurry though.

The angel is getting on the boat. I must get to them. I put all my strength into running. Odd I feel old wounds begin to hurt. That has never happened before. I need to get to that angel. I need to know whats going on. Why is everything different? Why does it pain me to run? Why is there ash everywhere? Why?

The boat begins to sail away. I scream out to the angel, pleading for them to wait. They begin to turn slowly. They will answer me. They will tell me what is going on. They will tell me why. They must tell me. The angel has fully turned around. Their eyes are closed. I still cannot see a gender just a beauty. A sense of deity about them. The beauty is so cold, wretched even. Their eyelids begin to open. Then their eyes look into mine.

In an instant memories come to me. The rope, the gas, the matches, the stool, everything comes back. I see myself setting fire to my home. Walking inside of it through the flames. Tying the rope to a beam in the ceiling. Putting it around my neck. Oh god what have I done. Kicking out the stool. I remember swaying. The fire around me. Seeing my life before my eyes. Faces swarming. Those Ive known. Those I havent. The angel coming to me. Of course an angel with black wings.

I return back to the coast. Tears going down my face in realization. I look at the angel. There is a faint smile on their face. The boat moves further away. I just stand watching. I dont want to be here. I'd do anything not to be here. I can't believe I did this. I continue to watch the boat. The sun is going down in the horizon. The black sails caught in the wind. How beautiful it is, black sails in the sunset.